24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
