That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
