I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
