Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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