this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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