i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
