drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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