i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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