In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize