My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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