Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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