Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
