a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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