i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
