I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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