Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i drank out of a bidet.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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