It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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