He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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