i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
