I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
