I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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