there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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