Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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