Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
