hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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