Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
