ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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