I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
