you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's the barista slut.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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