he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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