made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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