Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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