I can text with my tongue
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the liver wants what the liver wants
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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