3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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