"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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