Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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