I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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