made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
