i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
