ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
