i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
