That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
