I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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