i need an iv and a liver transplant
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
