It's Friday. Sex?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
