I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
