waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
