i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
