Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
