everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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