Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
