My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
