woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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