idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
