Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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