I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's always time for handjobs
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
