Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
