Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
