Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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