Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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