phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
