At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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