Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
