is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
