I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
