I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
