i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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