Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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