oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
