Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
