Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
