Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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