my being single is dangerous.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
