sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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