i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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