Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
