FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
