I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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