Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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