Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
