If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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