He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
