awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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