Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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