walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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