I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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