Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
