today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
