dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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